It's nice to know everything is OK for you. I can not enter my Hotmail account at home since its update recently, so I change to my private e-mail box. This is a Chinese email server, not sure about the English format. You must be strange why I write English this time. It's strange for me too, cause today I feel nervous or shy to say something in my native language.
National Holiday is over, things don't change much for me except I lost my weight by 5 kilograms, I did exercise last month. I'm fine, always, as hard before, :-). All my life, I'm looking for something, but till today, seems find nothing to me. Occasionally, it's confused, I felt myself like the trash for this society, lost my value and position in my surroundings. To some extent, I am trying to escape the rules of the society, but only find myself just a part of those rules. This week, I tidied up my materials and computer files with lots of excitement, depression & surprise (so weird). In the past fours years, I scanned over 150 books on queer cinema topics (listed as the attachment), collected about 400 gay movies (filled in five CD bags), read thousands of papers... As I enter the reading room of NLC (National Library of China), the librarian even can tell my name and my Reader's Card Number, and take me the books I booked online. Actually, I am not academic indeed, I just feel happy and excitement as I'm doing it, like a tourist in OZ. After I finished it, I'm back to real world again, that's the worst thing. You said I'm a bookworm (shu dai zi) before, it's not about books, it's about the communication, the spiritual communication, the spiritual contentment & the spiritual porn. As I did the volunteer works in gay community, as I made the legal gay magazine by some illegal behaviors, as I focused myself on Chinese characters... I'm always chasing the steps the destiny shows me, but always meet the troubles, at least I can hardly get a job by it. It seems difficult to unite my real and unreal part, that's the root of tragic. I "waste" too much energy & time on it, I am feeling tired right now and not sure about anything.